Home
  • About Melinda
  • Melinda’s Books
  • Shop
  • Testimonials
  • Contact
RSS

Posts Tagged ‘men’

Sex offender dad gets access to daughters: Why?

News of Note 5 Comments »

Last month I briefly mentioned a Tasmanian case in which a father, a registered sex offender convicted of possessing child pornography, was given visitation right to his two daughters. I thought the story warranted a more in-depth examination, so I asked Caroline Norma to caroline normatake a closer look. Caroline is a PhD candidate with the Asia Institute at the University of Melbourne. She is a member of the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women in Australia, and works part-time with the Policing Just Outcomes Project.

[Trigger warning for survivors of sexual assault and inter-familial rape]

Justice Robert Benjamin in the Robins v Ruddock case of 22 January this year awarded a registered sex offender access rights to his two daughters. This was despite the fact that, in his judgment, Justice Benjamin said he believed one of the daughters, a ten year old, who told the court she was scared of spending time alone at night with her father. She had reason to be scared. Her father had been convicted for possessing child pornography, and was listed on the state’s sex offender register. Justice Benjamin believed the girl’s mother who told the court she had seen her ex-husband sexually abusing his stepdaughter. He believed a forensic psychologist who told the court the ten-year-old daughter had also been sexually abused at some point. Justice Benjamin believed the ‘mother was truthful in giving evidence’ (p. 22), and that she was unable to intervene in her husband’s abuse of her daughters because of his violent and controlling behaviour. Justice Benjamin described her ex-husband as having poor impulse control, as being ‘manipulative and disingenuous’ (p. 23), as opportunistic, as engaging in inappropriate ‘communication’ with his daughter, and as acting in self-serving ways. However, despite fully understanding and acknowledging the sexual threat the father posed, Justice Benjamin ignored the pleas of the girls’ mother and awarded a sex offender fortnightly access to his daughters.

How did Justice Benjamin arrive at this decision? The reason he was able to believe the girls, while still deciding to grant a sex offender access to them, seems to rest in an implicit belief in a biologically determinist ‘hydraulic model’ of male sexuality. This is a term coined by the head of the International Center for Research on Women, Geeta Rao Gupta. Gupta argues that even in the 21st century, some men still think their penises operate like hydraulic systems. In technical terms, a hydraulic system operates ‘by the pressure created by forcing water, oil, or another liquid through a comparatively narrow pipe or orifice’.  So some men justify their raping behaviour on the basis of an unsuppressible and explosive biological need for sexual release. They imagine their penises function in a similar way to a hydraulic system operating with semen under pressure. They worry about their hydraulic systems breaking down if a vagina (or indeed any hole!) is not found to trigger the release valve.

The comedic quality of this bizarre ‘hydraulic model’ idea of male sexuality fades quickly into tragedy when the model is applied by judges in familial sexual assault cases. In Justice Benjamin’s case, an implicit belief in a hydraulic idea of male sexuality appears to have led him to think the father would rape the girls only if certain conditions prevailed. Specifically, three circumstances had to be guarded against if the father’s hydraulically-operated sexuality wasn’t going to explode:

  • First, the father must not come across the girls at night-time when they are less alert and wearing fewer clothes;
  • Second, he must not come across one of them alone, but only together in a pair (Justice Benjamin explains that he sees ‘the risk of the father acting inappropriately with the children [a]s significantly diminished when they are awake and alert and when the children are together’, at p. 23); and
  • Third, the girls must not be in the father’s bed.

Justice Benjamin’s judgment expresses a clear idea about what triggers the operation of the father’s hydraulic penis: provided the father doesn’t see his kids in darkness, sleepiness, or alone, there will be no risk of his sexually assaulting them. So Justice Benjamin made court orders designed to prevent these three conditions arising. First, he orders the two sisters to sleep in the same room, and the father to have another adult stay overnight at his house when the girls sleep over each fortnight. This person must be in the house between the hours of 8pm and 7am. Second, Justice Benjamin ordered that there be a ‘door on the children’s bedroom which is capable of being shut at the request of the children’ (p. 19). Third, he ordered that the father must not ‘invite’ the girls into his bed.

Justice Benjamin’s implicit acceptance of this myth of the male hydraulic penis in his reasoning means that the two girls now face real danger. The reality of men’s sexually abusive behaviour is very different from the view crystallised in the biologically determinist ‘hydraulic penis theory’. In reality, abusers go to great lengths to gain sexual access to girls at all times of the day, and often even look for employment that allows them to work with children. They put a lot of time and effort into grooming girls for sexual abuse, often using pornography and animals to instruct them. They document and share with other men techniques of sexual abuse. They go to great lengths to cover up the abuses they perpetrate, and will threaten and harass girls who attempt to speak out against them. To sexual predators, custody rights can seem like manna from heaven, allowing them to abuse their victims in the privacy and convenience of their own homes. In the Robins v Ruddock case, the father now has enough time and space to properly groom his daughters away from their mother so they will never again speak out against him.

The safety of children is endangered when people who appear to believe in hydraulic penises hear court cases involving children. Hydraulic penises are just a myth, and have no basis in reality. Biological determinist myths about male sexuality are dangerous because it looks like they render influential people like Justice Benjamin incapable of taking proper action to protect children’s safety and wellbeing. There are very few powerful people on whom children can call to protect them, and as long as myths about male sexuality permeate the Australian court system, judges will threaten, rather than armour, the human rights of the weakest members of our society.

It’s not sex it’s rape

I’ve written before about how rape is too often minimised in reporting of sexual crimes, reduced to “had sex with” and other lesser depictions.

Lauredhel from W.A,  in a piece titled ‘A forensic semanticist on sex and rape’ published on it's not sex it's rapethe Hoyden About Town blog, makes the same point. Here’s an extract:

In Trenton, N.J., a group of up to seven guys—a mix of adults and minors—paid a teenager for her 7-year-old sister. They allegedly gang-raped the girl as the rest of the partygoers looked on.

Yet, the lead in the Web site story began, “Police in New Jersey’s capital say a 15-year-old sold her 7-year-old sister to have sex with as many as seven men and boys.”

Breaking news: The 7-year-old girl from Trenton didn’t “have sex with” up to seven men. If there was sexual contact, she was gang-raped. Read story here.

Why isn’t incest rape?

In an older but still vitally significant piece, Caroline Taylor discusses the courts’ refusal to use the word ‘rape’ in incest trials:

In one case, after complaints from the defence barrister, the survivor was threatened with contempt of court charges if they did not refrain from using the term rape when they described repeated acts of sexual penetration by their father. In a discussion between the trial judge and defence lawyer the judge declared that since ‘incest was consensual’ it could not therefore be rape, and so the survivor was wrong to make such a claim. To add insult to injury the defence barrister added that using the term rape suggested some kind of violence was used! Two other cases from the same sample involved legal discussions involving the inappropriateness of survivors or police using the term rape in ‘incest’ trials.’

  • Share/Bookmark

April 30th, 2010  
Tags: child abuse, child pornography, men, rape, sex trafficking, sexual assault, violence



Equal opportunity objectification

News of Note 2 Comments »

menforsalenationaltimes

Women buying men for sex is not equality

Women, we’ve arrived. We’re equal now with men. The conditions for equality have been met. Am I talking about political, social and financial equality? No.

Access to maternity leave, child care, the opportunity to balance work and family life? No. The ability to live free from harassment and sexual bullying. No.

We know we are empowered because now we can buy men like they buy women. Men can be prostituted to provide sexual services for women. Here is proof of our newly won freedom: we can participate in the sexual objectification of men in the same way we have been objectified through history.

Free from restriction, the sex industry is now open to all. And there’s lots of pseudo-feminist rhetoric to make us all feel good about it. It’s all there in a piece in The Age, which reads like a free plug for a new male escort service (”She needs more Melbourne-based men and older men, in their late 30s and 40s”).

But just because it’s women doing the buying — and the pimping — doesn’t make it liberating. Being able to trade in human flesh doesn’t mean that emulating the sexual behaviour of men and their sense of entitlement to women’s bodies, is progress.

This move is part of a capitalist celebration of the female sexual consumer who can choose to buy dildos, botox, pole-dancing classes, new breasts, Brazilians, surgically altered and coloured labias – and men. These are the tokens of our emancipation? This is what ”freedom of choice” has delivered?

This is a parody of liberation in which women become a mere participant in a mass-marketed orgy of so-called sexual freedom.

I do have some sympathy, however, with the argument that women cannot find men they want to be with intimately. In our pornified culture we are raising men who are callous and insensitive to the needs and desires of women. We knock tenderness out of them with a diet of brutality from the earliest of ages. Boys’ role models are celebrities and sporting figures who see women as conquests, there for the taking.

But buying a man won’t fix that. It is a reflection of distance, disconnection, a lack of intimacy and a subtraction of emotion from sex.

And it’s dishonest to tell women who want something more than a quick $500 f— that they can have ”the whole boyfriend experience” — hair stroked, hand held and even a walk in the park with her, her kids and her dog. For a mere $1200-$1500 a day. That’s a lot of money for simulated intimacy. That’s a pretend boyfriend, not a real one. How does that ”make a woman feel special”?

Hiring prostitutes remains fundamentally a male preserve, which is why we don’t see huge line-ups of women wanting to buy the bodies of boys and men. When women pay men for sex, it doesn’t have the same social effect because there is no history of women enslaving men, the porn industry is still primarily driven by men’s sexual demands. And there’s no social construction of men as sluts who enjoy their own degradation.

The rise of male ”escort” services reflects a devaluation of sex because of the primacy of exchange and commodification of another person.

All we’re seeing with this new men-for-sale business is the democratisation of objectification. Buying and selling male or female bodies for sex will always be reducing them to a means to an end; a denial of their full humanity.

Published today online in the National Times.

  • Share/Bookmark

April 23rd, 2010  
Tags: men, objectification, prostitution, Sexualisation



Real men don’t look after babies?

News of Note 6 Comments »

hockey

Here’s a letter to the editor I sent to The Australian in response to a piece on the Commentary page last Friday, ‘Hockey stays home holding the baby’ (The Oz didn’t run it – so I sent it to myself and I agreed to publish it).

I’m concerned about what is implied in the heading “Hockey stays home holding the baby” and the cartoon with it (April 9, p16). The article says Hockey is on leave and that his colleagues say he is “not doing enough”. While the baby isn’t mentioned in the text, the cartoon shows a dishevelled Hockey holding a swaddled baby in one arm and a toy in the other. Hockey is haggard, his face unshaven, his hair greying and his tongue lolls uselessly in the corner of his mouth. There appears to be baby spew over his black suit jacket.
Are we to read by this that looking after a baby is somehow beneath a man of politics (or any man?) and that he has been reduced to an unkept moron as a result while real men get on with the job of politics?

I really hope not. I really hope I’ve got it wrong.

  • Share/Bookmark

April 13th, 2010  
Tags: men



But it’s not that violent: one teacher’s account of the impact of violence saturation on her students.

News of Note, Take Action 14 Comments »

Plus: Grand Theft auto gamer’s instruction video for best way to murder prostituted women

And Calvin Klein’s new men’s underwear ad: No, we don’t want to see your d—k.

montage klein gta

Elizabeth at My Milk Spilt, whose piece on Facebook and violence against women I published here the other day, has now written about an experience she had in the Melbourne school where she is a teacher. The discussion with her students revealed just how de-sensitized young people have become about violence – and their lack of empathy. One girl is “shocked” that Bowling for Columbine attracted so much attention. Why? Because only 15 people died.  The murder of a mother and her two young daughters wasn’t that brutal, because “they were only shot in the head” said another girl.

This is what a daily diet of depictions of violence, torture and brutality is doing to kids. Where will it take us?

spilt milk article

How to kill prostitutes

gta kill

On her site, Elizabeth has also posted a Grand Theft Auto clip. It features a male gamer describing his preferred method for killing prostituted women and instructing fellow gamers on the best strategies and methods for doing so. GTA is played by young boys around the globe. Given that it incites violence against women, why is this game and this clip allowed?

We Don’t Buy It

calvin klein

Calvin Klein has come up with a nasty add to promote its new underwear line for men. The language is aggressive and threatening. “Do you want to see my dick?”, “Do you want some f—ing more?”  I like Happy Bodies take on it. Don’t buy Calvin Klein.

Nastier by the minute

A friend and colleague emailed me yesterday. She said: “All this is getting harder, faster, nastier by the minute. Maybe it’s me. But it does feel like this culture is growing exponentially.” No, it’s not just you T. Violence against women is colonising every available space. 

  • Share/Bookmark

March 17th, 2010  
Tags: Advertising, calvin klein, degradation, exploited, gta, marketing, men, rape, sexual assault, violence



Sexual assault prevention tips guaranteed to work

News of Note 3 Comments »

rape assault pic

Came across this on Girl w/ Pen.

These tips put the responsibility where it should be:

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

Abuse is, like, so hot right now

Which brings me back to those t-shirts.  Because abuse is, like, so hot right now (thanks Kelly, great line, so pleased you took on the pro-rape slogan apologists).

This one below is the featured rape chic t-shirt on Zazzle. I mentioned the slogan earlier, but somehow it’s worse seeing it on an actual body. And I’ve since found out  it’s sold by an Australian online company hosted out of Los Angeles:

rape surprise tshirt on man

The text promoting it reads:

“Remember to yell!  Now we know this is a little controversial, but you know you’re laughing. Just remember to let them know before you go for it. I’m sure they’ll appreciate the effort.”

In a stunning act of hypocrisy, Zazzle also has t-shirts alongside the rape-as-a-bit-of-a-lark line, that say “Real men don’t rape” and “I was raped and I won’t be silent”.

So why sell shirts with rape-proud slogans that mock probably the greatest human rights violation known to women? Why flog items that contribute to a rape-enabling environment which leads to more rape victims in the first place? (I wanted to say rape survivors, but not all do). Maybe Zazzle  just sees that as market expansion for their full range of  shirts for rapist and victim?

  • Share/Bookmark

January 26th, 2010  
Tags: degradation, exploited, fashion, marketing, men, sexual assault, violence, women



Having sex or being raped?

Articles 2009, News of Note 9 Comments »

Five days later, I’m still troubled by some paragraphs on the front page of The Australian on Monday. I haven’t noticed anyone drawing attention to them, even though they are deeply concerning.

The article is about historian Keith Windschuttle’s questioning of the authenticity of the film Rabbit-Proof Fence (‘Rabbit-Proof Fence grossly inaccurate; Windschuttle’, The Australian, Monday, December 14, p 1).

Windschuttle claims that sisters Molly Craig, 14, Daisy Kadibill, 8, and their cousin Gracie Fields, 10, were not removed from their families to “breed out the colour” but because of their “sexual activity with white men working in the area”. The girls had been accused of “running wild”. The article continues:

“’Running wild’ was said to be a contemporary euphemism for promiscuity, which meant the girls were having sex with the white males in the area”, Windschuttle writes in the preface of his new work.

 …They didn’t say these girls were screwing boys, they said they were running wild…anyone from that era knows the meaning of the term.”

Now let’s just have another look at the ages of these girls – they are 14, 8 and 10.

Girls this age are not “having sex”. They are not at an age where they can consent to “have sex”. They are being sexually assaulted.

Did eight-year-old Daisy decide she wanted to “run wild” with “white men working in the area”? Why is all the emphasis on the supposed behaviour of very young girls – who were in need of protection – and not on what must have been predatory white males preying on vulnerable indigenous children?

This sort of wording is dangerous to all little girls. It suggests they desire sex with older men and lends permission to those men who see even very young girls as up for grabs and ‘asking for’ what they get.

  • Share/Bookmark

December 18th, 2009  
Tags: Girls, indigenous children, men, Sexualisation, sexually assaulted, windschuttle



    Available now

    • Now in its second printing! Now in its second printing!

    My Tweets

    Melinda TankardReist
    • To all who have been so supportive, your messages have been noted. My gratitude. 04:08:21 PM January 17, 2012 from TweetDeck
    • Going to have old mercury fillings removed and replaced at dentist this morning. Will be the most fun I've had for days. 04:07:48 PM January 17, 2012 from TweetDeck
    • Forced marriages dishonour Britain. @juliebindel on the debate about criminalization http://t.co/zGWASOuY #vaw 11:38:00 PM January 13, 2012 from TweetDeck
    • 'I don't believe that your erection is dependent on my subordination' Meghan Murphy in #thefword http://t.co/Zs7gofaN #pornography 11:35:58 PM January 13, 2012 from TweetDeck
    • 'This commercial isn't real neither are the standards of beauty' great vid on photoshop http://t.co/IMy2Ampk #bodyimage 10:17:08 PM January 13, 2012 from TweetDeck

    Events Calendar

    • Events are coming soon, stay tuned!

    It’s here! Collective Shout: for a world free of sexploitation

    Recent Posts

    • Miley Cyrus conforming to sexualised coming-of-age music industry scripts
    • Field of Women Live: support breast cancer fundraiser tomorrow
    • Boys, Babes and Balls: Hooters mascots for U16 boys footy
    • You look so good in blood! Violence is, like, so hot right now
    • Sex offender dad gets access to daughters: Why?
    • Girl Slavery in America
    • Anne Summers sees the light on hypersexualisation: but won’t go all the way
    • Sexualisation, sexism, unwanted sex, spectacular rape
    • Equal opportunity objectification
    • Set up for a fall: why I pulled out of internet filtering debate

    Archived Posts & Articles

    RSS MTR in the Media

    • Going Gaga over raunch dressed up as liberation
    • MTR in the media this week
    • Today in selling misogyny, Feministe
    • Outrage over graphic tshirts prompts pornography row, The Sunday Age
    • Sexual message offends as T-shirts labelled rape chic, The Daily Telegraph
    • Shock horror: Nude supermodel has dimple on thigh
    • Howard Sattler interviews Melinda on 6PR about Jennifer Hawkins’ Marie Claire photos
    • Getting Real reviewed in Online Opinion
    • Getting Real reviewed in the West Australian
    • ABC Radio National: Life Matters

    Visit This

    • Bin the Bunny
    • Coalition Against Trafficking in Women Australia
    • Don't Reduce Me to Eye Candy
    • Enlighten Education
    • Gail Dines
    • Kids Free 2B Kids
    • One Angry Girl
    • PhotoShop Disasters
    • Prostitution Research and Education
    • Women's Forum Australia

    Read This

    • 'Little Darlings'
    • A cut too far: the rise in cosmetic surgery on female genitalia
    • A good childhood
    • Books
    • Forget the fantasy, feeling like a natural woman is unreal
    • Girls as young as 12 working as child prostitutes
    • Googling s*x
    • How magazine bonus crushed my hopes
    • It's official, hos and bitches are bad for your health
    • Why do we need bras for babies?
    • Why Miley Cyrus is stripping down as she grows up

    Watch This

    • ABC's Lateline: Children mimicking adult sexuality in the playground
    • Diane Levin on sexualisation and her book 'So sexy so soon' (Podcast)
    • Esteem CNNNNN
    • Killing Us Softly
Copyright © 2012 Melinda Tankard Reist MTR PTY PTD All Rights Reserved
XHTML CSS Log in
Catalyst Commedia Pty Ltd | Powered by SGM